Back to the one I ALMOST LOST

The feeling is ever growing now. She had it for a long time but it seems like she can’t take it anymore. She wakes up early morning and pack her bags up. She books a train ticket and calls for a cab.
Once again he has managed to make her angry. Why couldn’t he keep it all to himself. Well, the thing is he was. Even his absence was annoying her.

The journey was going to take a couple of hours. Her thoughts were all over the place. She had never been this anxious before. This was such an implusive decision. “How is he going to react” she thought. Well, she had no idea! They are practically strangers now. Two people who were pretty close a decade ago. They had an understanding of each others silence. But all it is left now is silence.

On a window seat, admiring the hills and the trees go by, she thought about how much she has changed. She was no longer a happy, chirpy girl who use to fail in geometry. She has a fulfilling life now. She earned a position, has friends and is blessed with love. The best part is nothing or no one in her life is related to him or because of him. Just the way she wanted!

But then, why was she going back to him? Was her fulfilling life so empty that she actually missed him? Did people in her life changed her as a person. A person she was growing tired of?
Was he the same person she once knew? Or did he changed too? How was he now? Did he also miss her embrace at happy times? Did he also miss her support at sad times?

The train arrived to the destination. She took her luggage and came out. She observed the yellow sign and smiled. It said “Welcome to Goa”.
A faint memory of him talking about settling in Goa came to her mind. She recall him saying ” I would open a beach bar there. Drink beer all day and get a tan”.

She was not at all surprised that this is what exactly he did. He wasn’t sheep of a herd. Always the odd one out. This is the reason not many people liked him. Well, he didn’t like them either. He always kept to himself. Getting drowned in many of his obsessions. Always sleepy and dreamy with a lazy smile and poorly maintained hair. His friends were dogs, fishes, movies and mythology books. He always use to wear plain dark colour t-shirts. He was his very own version of punk.

She hired a cab and gave the address to the driver.
“So this is it, I’m finally going to him” She said to herself, getting nervous about it.

The warm breeze, mild atmosphere and happy faces of Goa reminded her of their bond.
She remembered the happy days.
The popsicle fights, late night movies, countless video games and the shows they use to watch together. His first painting that he gifted her on her birthday.

She felt guilty that she was also at fault, tainting happy memories with the bad ones.
The fights, breaking stuff of one another, the taunts, the blames, his overbearing nature and her nossy attitude.
One day, he moved out.
She often found herself wondering, whether that was the day when life stopped making sense.

The cab came to a halt. She was here, in front of a one level moderate looking house. It was painted white with a red door.
She took a deep breath and knocked the door. A guy wearing loose t-shirt and faded jeans opened it. Bed hair, red eyes. Still the same. Slightly older.
And she said “Suprise, big brother” 🙂

-Panthi Desai

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