One more sleepless night and there’s something I scribbled. What happened in all these days, I never thought it would happen. The day he decided to go, was the day he chose to fall out of love and left half of me lifeless. Denial, begging, depression, anger and acceptance. I’ve been through all of them. I have denied the fact that he left me .That he threw all those amazing memories we had for almost a year. I kept on chasing him. I kept on messaging and calling him and then he blocked me. I tried contacting his friends. I grabbed all the chances I could, but it’s hard to chase someone who’s decided to not love you . How could I fight if I was the only one left fighting? How could I fight if he wanted to push me out of his life. I kept on begging that our relationship would be better as long as we remained strong. As long as we loved one another. I had believed that our love was strong enough to endure life’s struggles ,but I was wrong. Going through a heartbreak is not easy, it was painful. I thought that I had finally found the one, it was hard to face the reality that the person who meant everything to me is gone. That he went taking all our love and dreams. Every update I get about him feels like a knife stabbing my heart. A lot of people showed support but only few of them stood by me through it all. It is hard to let go of one person you really love. But it is much harder knowing that he left me without a choice. But I still wait to hear from him. Even though I know he isn’t the same now, he isn’t the person whom I had fallen for. I won’t be able to share this with him but in future i want him to realize, that’s what I felt. Every time I look at his pictures, there’s a sinking feeling in my stomach. In a room full of crowd if I smell something similar to his cologne my heart starts throbbing out. Things won’t be the same, but why can’t they be? What did I do. Didn’t I love him enough? I tried and tried and still am trying. But it’s of no use if he doesn’t want to continue. I feel devastated. But still I don’t feel any hatred for him. Maybe that’s what love is. He loved me when things were good but left me when conditions were’nt appropriate. But I’ll still love him the same. Unconditionally. Letting go doesn’t mean i have lost a battle. It only means I am brave enough to go through the pain. I won’t be able to love anyone again. But I’ll cherish the memories he gave me for the entire lifetime.

Shreya Bhargava.

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